Walking back from the Stata basement Athena cluster this evening, I saw a girl sitting on the gray concrete floor outside the room, sobbing as another girl stood over her. As I passed them, I heard the second girl say, "It sounds like it's just been a month and a half of 'I just can't take it...'"
This scene reminded me of last year, the Wednesday night after a frustratingly unfruitful three hours in 6.01 lab, when I thought I couldn't handle life because there was still a DiffEq pset that I hadn't started due Friday, and a SEVT grant to write due Friday, plus this time sink of a 6.01 lab and its pset problems, when I was convinced I was the dumbest person at MIT and that Course 6 was the wrong major after all. My despair compounded during the walk back to Burton Conner. When I got back, I stopped at Kelly and Pallavi's room, slumped against the doorframe, and there the tears broke, heedless of my efforts to restrain them. I cried harder than I had in years. A few minutes later, I returned to my room and calmed down a little, hiccuping and blowing my nose into a million tissues, wiping up the pathetic remnants of the flood. Then Ben, a fellow freshman, walked past, heard my sniffles, and poked his head in to ask what was wrong. "Are you failing any classes?" he asked.
"No."
"Hey, then you're okay. Look, if I fail two more classes, then I'll get kicked out of here."
This came as a shock, for I knew he was a cryptology expert who was fast-tracking his way out of MIT. (Last I heard his adviser was petitioning for him to skip most of the undergrad Course 6 requirements.)
Then he gave me some delicious crunchy chocolate-covered coffee beans sent by his grandmother. He left me in my room with a little pile in my hands. I cheered up.
Since then my mood has never been that bad. I've experienced worse workloads, but I've never felt that same depth of sadness again. Once I got through that night and that week (at the end of which, miraculously, I finished every assignment on time), I think I weathered every academically tough night that's to come. I stress out still, but I feel immune to despair. I don't exactly know how*, but I found the mindset and life balance to be happy here.
*Well, for one, Course 6 material started to make a lot more sense after 6.01 (which wasn't the greatest class).
With all this in mind, I wrote the girl a post on I Saw You MIT:
"I saw you crying outside the Athena cluster in the Stata basement this afternoon, and heard your friend next to you talking you through it: "It sounds like it's just been a month and a half of 'I just can't take it...'"
"I was in the same emotional state last year around this time (i.e. sobbing to my roommates) as a freshman, and I wanted to stop and tell you that things do get better. MIT is tough, and its workload and deadlines are unforgiving. It kicks all of us in the butt. There are some concrete actions that may help: definitely ask friends, professors, TA's, even random other people in your classes for help if you need it. Don't be afraid to be thought stupid for asking questions - you'll be that much better for it. Try to make understanding the material a bigger goal than doing well on tests. Take a look at your schedule and see if you are spreading yourself too thin (it's not a shame to trim down; it's a shame if you can't get the most out of the things you do). Try to monitor your sleep and consciously make up for lost hours when you can.
"If you do your best and it still isn't enough for A's, well, what more can you ask from yourself? Our grades now won't dictate our success in life (do you remember your grades from sixth grade? Neither do I), and good grades alone can't make a person happy, now or twenty years down the line. Focus on what matters more. Make sure you like what you're doing (!) so that you're motivated by something other than grades (curiosity, inner satisfaction), and keep at it. Take time out of your day to do something other than schoolwork, to stay sane (and to develop hobbies you will actually enjoy twenty years down the line). Talk to your close friends at least once a day even if your schedules have more conflicts than the U.S. Congress on health care...
"Maybe I'm way off and your problems extend beyond academic pressures. But all the same, hang in there, it's going to be okay!"
The post is here.
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